it seems that i was replying to an old threat by mistake
anyway last night i found the answer

is not so much about the ram being in the capability list or not
while the timings are very important and also the voltage 

there is something important that many people might not realize

while you can probably run 1 or up to 4 rams on an x299 motherboard at XMP advertise speed

the problem is while you go a bit too high then you will begin to lose modules

that is if you have 8 modules

i can get all 8 modules to 3.8 without any problem using xmp profile
i get all 64 gigs of ram properly recognized but once i go for 4000
which i get but only with half of my ram
i get 4000 but only with 32 gigs of ram

i tried just about every trick or possible solution and i discovered many new important things
then i went to aorus web site and check my board ram combability list

that is where i found it about the whole thing
basically you can get probably up to certain point depending on your cpu memory controller
but once you go very high then you will lose modules

the fix might no be pretty, probably i will have to buy something like ddr4 4400
so i can get just 4000

i previously had ddr4 3000 and never had any problem enabling all modules and hitting advertise
going even further without never losing any module or half or my ram speed
so i guess also have size has something to do with it

smaller modules like 4 gb has more chance of working at higher frequency than bigger modules

i remember i used to overclocked my 3000 mhz 8 modules x 4 gb kits up to 4000 mhz and never had any problem

but i wanted more ram, now i got more ram capacity but i can't hit 4000 with all 64 gigs

moral of the story, the part that they are not telling you is that the more modules you have the harder it will be to archive that advertise speed the only solution is to go for a little higher speed that way when you lose you really don't

i know it might not make sense, but if you want something like 4000 then get something like 4400
that way most probably you will be able to reach the speed you want

i knew the 10980xe had a better memory controller but is out of stock every where so i got a good deal on a 9980xe

anyway i have ddr4 4000 but the most i can get with all 8 modules is 3800
so i guess 4400 will be able to reach 4000 easily

anyway it doesn't bother me that much
the cpu normally runs at 3.8 and also the ram so is running at 1.1 which is perfect

i know this is probably old but it might help some one in the future